How to Handle Office Politics: Why Smart Leaders Still Struggle
Leadership | IFS | 7-minute read
I once worked with a leader in Scandinavia. His Chinese colleague had been with the company for 25 years.
This colleague was influential and well-connected. My client, still new to the company, lacked this status.
My client was skilled but struggled to progress with his colleague. He just couldn’t connect with his colleague. He grew increasingly frustrated. He tried to be direct and also to be accommodating. He sent emails, requested meetings, and suggested ways to work together. But his colleague remained distant and unresponsive.
My client wanted to know how to handle office politics, build influence, and get things done when someone wouldn’t cooperate.
The Real Problem with Office Politics Isn’t What You Think
Instead, I asked him, "How do you feel toward this guy?"
He replied, "I'm really frustrated with him."
That was the real issue. The problem wasn’t just about finding a solution; it was the frustration itself.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) at Work: Understanding Parts and Workplace Dynamics
Here’s what IFS taught me, and what I turn to whenever a client is stuck in a difficult work relationship.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) views the inner world as composed of different "parts," each with its own feelings and roles. Originally therapeutic, IFS helps explain behaviour at work and beyond.
In difficult professional relationships, this framework matters: when I approach someone from a triggered part of myself, they meet that part of me. Their protective side then responds.
They react accordingly.
My client wasn’t entering conversations as his calm, grounded self. His frustration was still in charge, despite his efforts to conceal it. No matter how he tried, the frustration persisted.
Something about him felt off, and his colleague sensed it, even subconsciously.
"If a part doesn't feel seen, it's just going to keep coming back in."
Dealing with Difficult Colleagues: You’re Meeting a Protective Part
The same thing happens in reverse. If you approach someone whose protective side hasn’t felt seen, someone who’s spent decades building influence and doesn’t yet see you as an equal, and you try to convince them to do something differently, to cooperate differently, to see you differently.
You’re doing what IFS practitioners avoid: forcing a part to change roles before it's understood.
That part will push back, not because the person is being difficult, but because no one has acknowledged what it’s been doing or why.
What Internal Family Systems Teaches About Leadership and Workplace Behaviour
Most people see IFS as personal, a therapy for exploring your inner world. But in fact, it started in organisations. Dick Schwartz, who created IFS, was first a family systems therapist. He learned from families and then applied those lessons to individuals. These ideas apply both ways.
Use what you learn about your parts to better understand coworkers.
If you’re working through this in your own leadership context, this is exactly the kind of work I support through leadership coaching
Not to manipulate others, but to understand what they’re protecting and why.
If a team member resists a new responsibility, pause and consider: what are they worried about losing? Fear of failure or being overlooked may drive resistance. Begin with curiosity about their perspective to open a real dialogue. Ask, "What would help you feel confident about this change?" to help them feel seen and safe.
In organisations, people often behave in ways that seem irrational from the outside. It may be a peer who won’t cooperate or a manager who keeps micromanaging despite the team’s abilities. Maybe a stakeholder blocks a project for unclear reasons.
We often see these people as difficult, political, or self-interested.
But that’s usually not the case. Most of the time, they’re just acting from their own protective parts.
The first thing you see isn’t the real person; it’s their protector part at work.
A Practical Approach to Handling Office Politics at Work
With my client in Scandinavia, we tried two things.
First, we focused on his frustration, not to get rid of it, but to acknowledge it. We honoured the real feeling behind the frustration, but also recognised that approaching his colleague from that place wouldn’t work. That part needed to feel seen before it could step aside.
Once it did, there was more space and neutrality. He could start to feel genuinely curious about what his colleague in China was trying to protect.
Second, we tried to see things from his colleague’s perspective. He had been with the company for 25 years. His network meant everything to him. His identity was deeply tied to his long tenure, relationships, and status as someone who knew the company well.
A newer, energetic, and skilled colleague wasn’t just another coworker. He was a potential threat to relevance, authority, and the story he told himself for years. That’s a protective part, and a very old and deeply committed one.
The question shifted from "how do I get him to cooperate?" to "what would need to be true for his protective parts to relax enough to actually engage with me?"
That meant offering recognition instead of competition and taking time to understand what he wanted, not just pushing for what my client needed to accomplish, not just advocating for what my client needed.
This protective dynamic shows up everywhere.
Why Workplace Relationships Fail: The Facade at Work
Wilhelm Reich called it the facade, the part of ourselves we show first. Everyone shows a version of themselves shaped by past hurt, by being overlooked, or by being dismissed. That protective front isn’t their true self, but it’s what you’ll see until they feel safe enough to let you in further.
Most leaders I work with are good at logic. Far fewer know what to do when logic stops working.
This sets apart leaders who make things happen from those who wonder why logic fails.
Those who keep wondering why their perfectly logical arguments aren't landing.
Logic only works when people’s protective parts feel safe. Otherwise, it doesn’t.
IFS helps you recognise what it feels like when a part doesn't feel seen. You see how that part resists and refuses to budge and the moment it feels understood, it softens, sometimes in a big way.
Bring that awareness into your next tough conversation. Don’t use it as a trick, but as a way to truly see the person in front of you.
How to Handle Office Politics: 3 Practical Steps for Difficult Conversations
If you want to put this into practice, here are three simple steps to try in your next conversation:
Notice your own reaction first. Before the meeting, ask yourself: what am I feeling about this person? Can I acknowledge those feelings without judging them?
Get genuinely curious about their perspective. Instead of trying to persuade right away, ask them what matters to them in this situation. Listen closely for what they might be protecting or hoping to achieve.
Offer recognition. Say something that lets the other person know you understand what’s important to them, even if you don’t agree. This helps create a sense of safety and can open up a more productive exchange.
That’s where real influence begins.
Real influence starts with seeing people clearly, including yourself.
If you’re navigating a situation like this right now, you don’t have to figure it out alone. You can book a discovery call to explore how to approach it.