How Trauma From Narcissistic Abuse Lives in the Body
An exploration of how relational trauma from narcissistic abuse is held in the body, why talk therapy alone is often insufficient, and how somatic healing supports recovery.
When people speak about narcissistic abuse, the focus is often on what happened psychologically. Gaslighting. Manipulation. Erosion of self-trust.
What is less often named is how the body carries the impact long after the relationship ends.
In my experience, insight alone did not resolve the aftereffects of narcissistic abuse. I could understand the patterns clearly and still find myself reactive, collapsed, or overwhelmed in situations that reminded my body of threat.
What follows reflects my lived experience and professional understanding rather than a clinical diagnosis or a definitive account of another person’s psychology.
Healing required learning how trauma lived in my body and how to work with it safely.
Relational trauma is different from single-incident trauma
Trauma is often imagined as something dramatic and time-limited. An accident. A violent event. A sudden shock.
Relational trauma is different.
Narcissistic abuse typically involves chronic exposure to unpredictability, emotional inconsistency, and subtle violations of boundaries. The nervous system is repeatedly required to stay alert while also preserving connection.
There is no clear beginning or end. No obvious moment of resolution.
The body adapts by staying prepared.
Over time, this adaptation becomes the baseline.
The body responds before the mind can explain
One of the most confusing aspects of recovery was noticing how my body reacted even when my mind understood what was happening.
I could know I was no longer in danger and still feel:
A sudden rush of heat or tension
Tightness in my chest or throat
A collapse in energy or motivation
An urge to appease, explain, or withdraw
These responses were not irrational. They were physiological memory.
The body does not organise experience as a story. It organises experience as sensation, movement, and impulse.
Trauma as incomplete defensive responses
Somatic approaches understand trauma not as what happened, but as what could not complete.
In threatening situations, the body naturally mobilises to protect itself. Fight. Flight. Freeze. Appease.
In narcissistic relational dynamics, these responses are often interrupted:
Fighting risks escalation or punishment
Leaving may not be possible
Freezing preserves connection but costs vitality
Appeasing maintains safety at the expense of self
The body learns to hold these responses in suspension.
Trauma, in this view, is the residue of uncompleted survival responses.
This understanding is central to Somatic Experiencing, developed by Peter Levine.
How trauma showed up in my body
The effects were not always dramatic. Often they were subtle and cumulative.
I noticed:
Chronic tension in my jaw and shoulders
Shallow breathing under mild stress
Difficulty settling even in safe environments
Sudden fatigue after emotional interactions
A sense of being “on guard” without knowing why
My body behaved as if threat could return at any moment.
This was not a mindset problem. It was a patterned physiological state.
Why talk therapy alone was not enough
Talking helped me understand what had happened. It helped me name patterns and restore a sense of coherence.
What it did not do was resolve what my body was holding.
In some cases, repeatedly recounting the story actually reinforced activation. My nervous system became more alert, not more settled.
This does not mean talk therapy is ineffective. It means that cognitive insight and somatic resolution serve different functions.
For me, healing required approaches that worked directly with sensation and physiology.
Working with the body safely
Somatic work is not about reliving trauma.
It is about tracking present-moment experience in a way that builds capacity rather than overwhelm.
Key principles that supported healing included:
Moving slowly
Working in small increments
Noticing sensation without forcing release
Allowing the body to lead rather than the story
This approach respects the nervous system’s pacing.
It aligns with polyvagal theory, articulated by Stephen Porges, which describes how cues of safety are essential for physiological regulation.
Freeze, collapse, and appeasement
One of the less recognised impacts of narcissistic abuse is the prevalence of freeze and appeasement responses.
These states are often misinterpreted as:
Lack of motivation
Depression
Passivity
Indecisiveness
From a somatic perspective, they are energy-conserving survival states.
The body learned that visibility, assertion, or movement were unsafe. It adapted by reducing activation.
Healing required respecting this intelligence rather than trying to override it.
The role of titration and pacing
A critical concept in somatic healing is titration.
Rather than diving into the most intense material, work proceeds in small, manageable doses. This allows the nervous system to complete responses without becoming overwhelmed.
In practice, this looked like:
Pausing when sensation intensified
Orienting to the room or environment
Tracking breath or contact points
Allowing activation to rise and fall naturally
This process rebuilt trust between my mind and body.
Catharsis is not the goal
A common misconception is that healing requires emotional release or catharsis.
In my experience, stability mattered more than intensity.
Moments of release occurred naturally, but they were not forced. The real marker of healing was increased flexibility:
Faster recovery from stress
Greater tolerance for sensation
More choice in how I responded
The body began to recognise that threat had passed.
Integration over time
Somatic healing is cumulative.
There was no single breakthrough moment. Instead, capacity returned gradually.
Over time, I noticed:
More consistent energy
Improved sleep and digestion
Clearer boundaries without effort
Less urgency in relational dynamics
A greater sense of inhabiting my body
The body did not forget what it had learned. It learned something new.
Trauma resolution supports identity
As the body settled, something unexpected happened. My sense of self became clearer.
When the nervous system is no longer organised around threat, identity does not need to be defended constantly. Values, preferences, and limits become easier to feel and express.
Somatic healing supported not just recovery, but re-orientation.
A final reflection
If you are recovering from narcissistic abuse and find that insight alone is not enough, there may be nothing wrong with you.
Your body may still be doing exactly what it learned to do to survive.
Healing does not require forcing release or revisiting every detail of the past. It requires restoring enough safety for the body to complete what was interrupted.
That work is slow, respectful, and profoundly stabilising.
An invitation to work together
I work with individuals navigating recovery from complex relational dynamics who want support that prioritises nervous system regulation, internal leadership, and embodied boundaries.
If this approach resonates, you can learn more or book a session via the link below.