The Hidden Challenges Couples Face When One Partner Relocates for Work

When Relocation Becomes Asymmetrical

Professional relocation is often framed as a shared opportunity. A promotion, an international assignment, or a strategic career move.

For many couples, however, relocation quickly becomes asymmetrical.

One partner relocates into a role with structure, status, income, and social contact. The other relocates out of a role, often losing professional identity, daily rhythm, and community in a short period of time.

Research consistently shows that this asymmetry, not the move itself, is what creates the greatest strain.

1. Loss of Professional Identity

One of the most common and least discussed challenges is identity loss for the trailing partner.

Many trailing partners are experienced professionals who were employed before the move. After relocation, a significant number are unable to work due to visa restrictions, language barriers, or lack of local networks. Others take roles far below their previous level of responsibility.

Work provides more than income. It provides confidence, social connection, purpose, and a sense of contribution. When that disappears, the trailing partner may experience a quiet erosion of self-worth.

This identity disruption often shows up as low motivation, self-doubt, or a feeling of being “in limbo.”

2. Career Interruption and Long-Term Impact

Research shows that professional relocation often benefits the career of the leading partner while slowing or stalling the career of the trailing partner.

Career interruption can last years, not months. Gaps in employment, loss of seniority, and underemployment are common. For midlife professionals, this can feel particularly destabilising, as the opportunity to “start again” is more limited than earlier in life.

Even when the trailing partner eventually returns to work, their career trajectory may never fully recover to its previous momentum.

3. Financial Dependency and Power Shifts

Relocation frequently introduces financial dependency.

When one income disappears, power dynamics inside the relationship can subtly shift. Decisions about spending, risk, and timelines may feel uneven, even when both partners value fairness.

Research and clinical experience suggest that many trailing partners struggle with dependency, not because the relationship is unhealthy, but because independence and contribution were previously central to their identity.

When money and power dynamics are not discussed explicitly, resentment can quietly accumulate.

4. Emotional Isolation and Mental Health Strain

The working partner enters a new environment with built-in structure, colleagues, and purpose. The trailing partner often does not.

Without professional routines or social anchors, the trailing partner may experience isolation, loneliness, anxiety, or depression. Research consistently shows higher rates of emotional distress among trailing spouses, particularly during the first year of relocation.

This emotional load is often carried silently. Many trailing partners feel guilty expressing distress, especially when the move was framed as a positive opportunity.

5. Relationship Strain and Silent Agreements

Relocation reshapes the relationship in ways many couples do not anticipate.

Unspoken role divisions often emerge. One partner focuses on work and external demands. The other absorbs adjustment, logistics, emotional labour, and sometimes childcare.

When these arrangements are not consciously negotiated or revisited, resentment grows. The trailing partner may feel unseen or taken for granted. The working partner may feel pressure to succeed or guilt about their partner’s unhappiness.

Over time, distance grows not through conflict, but through silence.

6. Cultural Dislocation and Loss of Belonging

In international relocations, cultural adjustment intensifies every challenge.

Language barriers, unfamiliar norms, and social expectations can undermine confidence and belonging. The trailing partner often experiences this more acutely, as they lack the workplace as a site of integration.

Everyday tasks may feel effortful. Social cues are harder to read. The sense of being competent and capable can erode over time.

What These Challenges Have in Common

These challenges are not signs of failure.

They are predictable consequences of a relocation that prioritises one career while asking the other to adapt without equivalent structure or recognition.

Research consistently shows that when these dynamics are not addressed, they can undermine both the relationship and the success of the relocation itself.

When they are addressed early, couples are far more likely to stay connected, grounded, and resilient through transition.

Reflection Questions for Couples

• What has each of us gained and lost through this relocation

• What assumptions have we made without naming them

• Where do power, money, or identity feel unbalanced right now

• What support do we need that we have not yet asked for

Relocating for one partner’s career is common. Feeling destabilised by it is normal. Naming the challenges early is what makes relocation sustainable.

Sources and Further Reading

• McNulty, Y. (2012). “Being dumped in a foreign land: Expatriate spouses’ coping strategies.” Human Resource Management Journal.
  Explores identity loss, emotional strain, and adaptation challenges experienced by trailing spouses.

• Andreason, A. W. (2008). “Expatriate adjustment of spouses and expatriate managers.” International Journal of Cross Cultural Management.
  Documents how spouse adjustment strongly predicts the success or failure of international assignments.

• Harvey, M. (1998). Dual-career couples during international relocation. Journal of International Business Studies.
  Examines career disruption, power shifts, and financial dependency in trailing spouse dynamics.

• Brookfield Global Relocation Services. Global Mobility Trends Survey.
  Reports consistently show spouse dissatisfaction as a leading cause of early assignment termination.

• Black, J. S., Mendenhall, M., & Oddou, G. (1991). Toward a comprehensive model of international adjustment. Academy of Management Review.
  Foundational model describing work, interactional, and general adjustment, with strong relevance for accompanying partners.

• Permits Foundation (2023). Global spouse employment and work permit issues.
  Highlights structural barriers to trailing spouse employment, including visa and regulatory constraints.

Expatriate Mental Health Studies (various).
Research across expatriate populations consistently shows elevated risks of anxiety, depression, and isolation among accompanying partners, particularly during the first 12–18 months of relocation.