A Trauma-Informed Path Out of Narcissistic Abuse
A trauma-informed overview of healing from narcissistic abuse by rebuilding nervous system capacity, boundaries, self-trust, and relational clarity.
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is often described as a matter of insight. Understanding what happened. Naming the behaviour. Finding the right label.
In my experience, insight mattered, but it was not what healed me.
What made the difference was rebuilding capacity. Capacity in my nervous system. Capacity in my boundaries. Capacity to trust myself again and respond rather than react.
What follows reflects my lived experience and personal meaning-making rather than a clinical diagnosis or a definitive account of another person’s psychology.
This is not a step-by-step formula. It is an overview of the key areas that supported my recovery, offered here to help orient others who may be navigating similar terrain.
Moving beyond labels toward patterns
For a time, I was focused on whether the person I was involved with met the criteria for narcissism. That question eventually became less relevant.
What I could work with were patterns of interaction and my own responses to them. Patterns that reliably led to confusion, self-doubt, and nervous system activation. Patterns that did not resolve through explanation or accommodation.
Letting go of labels did not minimise what I had experienced. It allowed me to redirect energy away from something I could not control and toward what I could.
What actually supported my healing
1. Nervous system regulation
Before anything else, my nervous system needed support. Chronic activation affected my attention, decision-making, and capacity to function day to day.
Learning how to recognise fight-or-flight responses and support regulation created the foundation for all other work.
→ Read more: Nervous System Regulation After Narcissistic Abuse
2. Working with trauma in the body
Talking helped me understand what had happened. It did not resolve what my body was still holding.
Somatic work supported the completion of stress responses that had been interrupted by prolonged relational threat.
→ Read more: How Trauma From Narcissistic Abuse Lives in the Body
3. Internal Family Systems and parts work
Parts of me learned to appease, over-explain, and self-abandon in order to maintain connection.
Internal Family Systems helped me understand these strategies as adaptations rather than flaws, and supported the development of internal leadership.
→ Read more: Internal Family Systems for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery
4. Letting go of diagnosis as the organising principle
Recovery accelerated when I stopped orienting around whether someone else would change and focused instead on what I needed to heal.
This shift reduced rumination and restored agency.
→ Read more: Why I Stopped Focusing on Labels and Started Healing
5. Relational maturity and men’s work
Patterns that formed in one relationship continued to appear until I developed the capacity to hold boundaries, name values, and tolerate tension without withdrawing or appeasing.
Men’s work supported this maturation.
→ Read more: Men’s Work and Relational Healing After Narcissistic Abuse
6. Navigating relational rupture and parental alienation
One of the most painful consequences of these dynamics was relational rupture with my child.
Understanding parental alienation through a trauma-informed lens helped me contextualise loss without collapsing into self-blame.
→ Read more: Parental Alienation and Narcissistic Abuse: A Trauma-Informed Perspective
Healing as capacity, not perfection
Healing did not make me invulnerable. It made me more capable.
More able to notice early cues. More able to choose my responses. More able to stand in my values without aggression or collapse.
If you are navigating recovery from narcissistic abuse, my hope is that this overview offers orientation. You do not need to heal everything at once. You need to rebuild capacity, one layer at a time.
An invitation to work together
I work with individuals navigating complex relational experiences who want support that prioritises nervous system regulation, boundaries, and integration.
If this approach resonates, you can learn more or book a session.